I Heart U.S. Americans

Okay, I'm obsessed with Miss Teen USA. At first I couldn't stop laughing. But now, I'm pissed.

If you're reading this, you have a computer, which means you have surely, by now, seen - or at least heard about - the clip of Caitlin Upton, Miss South Carolina or wherever, answering the question posed to her during the "interview" portion of the Miss Teen USA pageant.

Miss Upton is asked why one-fifth of all Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Her answer, in what is possibly the purest instances of schadenfraude I have ever seen, is incomprehensible. Watch it again, just for fun.



I laughed at the watercooler with all the rest of the U.S. Americans I work with, until I saw clip of Miss Upton on the Today Show the following day, pleading that she just "made a mistake". At the end, when Ann Curry gives Miss Upton a high-five for "having the courage" to show up on the Today Show to regurgitate some more coached answers (I personally believe... I'm an idiot.), I got angry!

Why?

Because Miss Upton placed third in the Miss Teen USA pageant. Third! Like she's an example of bright young womanhood. As if.

Because our cultural response to her (and what is the Today Show and its ilk, but a cultural barometer?), is a laugh and a high-five.

Because I don't believe her answer is a mistake. (U.S. Americans? The Iraq? These are not evidence of a mistake, or even a misheard question. They are evidence of a deep, deep misunderstanding.)

Because she was obviously coached, and even though she may have been nervous (which is forgiveable), she didn't forget her coaching (which is a little less forgiveable)... which is why she "personally believes" gobbledygook. I would rather her BE REAL and just say, "Um, Mario, I didn't hear the question..."

But what makes me maddest?

Is that I know there were undoubtedly some really rad girls in that contest who maybe didn't have Miss Upton's perfect Nancy O'Dell demeanor, her killer bathing suit body, her blonde helmet hair or perfect white teeth who probably could have answered the question with intelligence and grace... qualities that would reflect the young womanhood I'd want my own daughter to go for.

I think my 10-year-old son said it best. "She only cares about being hot."

And so did the judges.