My good friend Becky Thyre emailed me this weekend a little epiphany she had and I thought it would make a cool blog topic....
Becky said:
"I just had an idea that explains the whole
male/female sexual thing. Didn't I read somewhere
that clitorises are just like penises, but they're
wound into the body (which explains the G-spot, it's
stimulating a part of the penis/clitoris that is near
the inside of the vaginal wall)?
So, the whole penis-envy thing is really us knowing
what it's like to have a penis, but ours is a little
harder to get to, just like adults reminisce about
childhood and how direct and simple it was.
And THAT'S why I think women can know what turns men
on and focus on it because we're really turning on our
own original penises that are now a little numbed by
their distance from the air so that we have more
motivation to think about things."
thoughts, ya'll? I have my own theories about why arousing and satisfying male sexual pleasure seems to take a precedence in our culture... would love to hear yours...
13 comments:
This is sort of going off on a tangent, but I think that in some ways, male sexuality is so dominant in our culture because we have an overridingly male form of storytelling. I teach writing, and I try to get students to remember that they don't have to follow the traditional story trajectory of a story leading up to one big climax--that feels like such a male way of structuring a story to me. Women's sexuality is so much more fluid and circular and wave-like, and I think that when that kind of storytelling is more embraced in our culture (which I think it is starting to be) then women's sexuality will be honored more (and by that of course I mean women's lived, subjective experience of sexuality rather than images of what supposedly makes a woman sexy).
xo
gayle
Yes, at one point in developement (in utero) both sexes look the same. The same unit turns into the clitoris in a female and a penis on the male. With steroid usage, the clit can enlarge and look much more like it's male counter part (this can be seen in certain female wrestlers). Yes, the clitoris is a penis. Come to think of it, at one point, we have the same chromosomes too. We both have two X'chromosomes; then with the males, one X gets weak and one of it's legs breaks off. It then becomes a Y. So the male sex is really the result of a flaw or weakness in the first place. Maybe the penis is just a clitoris grown out of control from the mutation.
I think the penis envy thing comes mostly from the fact that men can pee anywhere and write their names in the snow while peeing. I grew up with guys and when you're the only girl off on some wilderness adventure with no bathrooms around, the penis envy can become quite an issue. Otherwise I've always been very content to be a member of the stronger sex.
I think there is probably curiosity on both sides of what its like to be the opposite sex. What its like to have a penis, give birth, grow a beard, wear skirts without being laughed at? idunno.
I think our countries roots in Christian religion plays a big part in why male sexuality is looked at differently.
a lot of religious beliefs were formed to suppress female sexuality because men felt threatened and weakend by it. It was evil and "witch" like. If a woman wanted to be sexually active she was possessed by the devil or at the very least a mentally ill whore.
womens bodies, sexuality, etc just as recently as 50 years ago werent even studied widely, if at all.
mothers were telling their just married daughters to lie there and not move during sex and to perform their wifely duties when their husbands wanted it.
I think we forget how prevalent and how recently in history female sexuality was taboo.
now female sexuality is being looked at more closely but also exploited to sell products and keep women in an insecure "i need cosmo to show me how to be desirable and snag a man" terrified little box. and our parts are dismembered and smeared across beer ads and car magazines.
talk about mixed messages and a weird history to overcome.
on a much simpler note, a penis does not require much fine tuning to orgasm, unlike the clitoris. its like banging on a drum versus playing a violin.
but respectfully, rotundra, just to comment on your last sentence... i would never classify women as the stronger sex. i dont believe feminism is about putting the other side down, but lifting them up and educating them with us.
Who is this amykins who doesnt think women are the stronger sex? Isn't it obvious? And how did gayle and rotundra get those pictures with their entries? I want a picture with my entry.
My theory is that male arousal as well as orgasm are necessary to continue the species (erection necessary for sex, orgasm necessary for ejaculate) but with women such arousal/climax is not necessary. Meaning that culture would need to evolve in such a way to give more focus to men's sexuality.
I think women wouldnt be thinking so much about how to turn men on (assuming that's the central question here...?) if it were their orgasms that were necessary for conception to occur. It would probably be the other way around...
there would be entire industries dedicated to turning women on...
that's my guess...
I guess I just consider us all equal and capable of the same strengths and sensitivities. For every stereotype women have men have one too. Women are emotionally weak vs. boys dont cry. or women are supposed to play dumb vs men are supposed to always have the answer. I guess what im saying is stereotyping hurts and limits both sides potential. I can see it in my work with kids at the DV shelter, that we are all capable at a young age of equal compassion and strength. society just works it out of us as we grow up. thats why I dont like to do the "women are better than men" thing. because it feels like we are turning around and doing the same thing men did to us for years. and we know better.
but thats just my thoughts yo.
Thats a really good point about male orgasm being neccessary for procreation. I never thought of it from that angle before.
Okay I can see that saying women are better could be divisive, but I hate the equal thing just as much. Again, using the biology as destiny angle... in the union of male and female creating life, the male makes a jillion sperm per day, while the woman makes ONE egg per month...
some people feel like a jillion is a more powerful idea, some people feel like one is a more powerful idea. Not at all equal, yet also, not quite opposite... simply about two completely different things.
I also think that by having a war-based culture, the world has been saying men are better without having to say it. Women naturally understand peace (yes, a generalization) and I feel like it could be a matter of saving our planet by proposing that we have something BETTER to offer than men.
These comments are interesting! I feel like I need to clarify what I was trying to describe. I think I can actually feel what the guy feels, that I'm a sexual "empath" (like on Star Wars the Next Generation).
Do other women feel this?
And the things I know to turn them on are psychological, not physical.
I don't see this in a political context, it's not something I regret. I like it! I was just trying to figure it out in a biological way.
Maybe you were born intergender and your parents fashioned your penis into a clit and no one told you!
Actually I'm just yolkin Beck, that's not true I think we both contain both genders. I think that's why men know how to turn on women, they're integrating their feminine selves...
Becky, I agree with you 100% I think our sexualities (like many other things) are not as different as we thought. But there is a problem, girls these days think it's ok to be sexy, be desired, and satisfy boys. But I'm not sure how many are ok with admitting their own desires. I think that makes most girls uncomfortable whereas boys talk about it freely.
An example is when I ask my (straight) girlfriends if they would rather go to a male or a female strip club and they all say they would rather see a vagina than a penis. There is something hugely wrong.
It seems that we still have to be "desire-less" but we have become ok with being sexy and desired. If you ask me this is a half-ass sexual liberation:)
I know that not all girls are like that. I am talking about the majority I guess.
WOW I never would have guessed that would be the answer about strip clubs... Maybe it's because we woment are more used to and therefore more comfortable with seeing a woman OBJECTified than a man. Personally I find male stripopers to be the opposite of what I'd want a man to be. I find it very weak and quite gay. A man who is willing to parade around - well, that's just not a bit sexy to me. We are used to seeing women in this position. I find that even more disturbing, these poor women who do this for a living. Yeah yeah that makes me sound prudish but just try to find a stripper who has had a good relationship with her father or has decent relationships with men.
Well, Nina Hartley will be at the LadyParty 911 so you should ask her about her relationships with men/her father.
I think that dancing can be a fantastic expression of sexuality and self love, regardless of gender. It sounds like, by saying, "I find it very weak and quite gay" (rotundra) in reference to male dancers you are equating gayness with weakness. That hurts all sides of the coin!
It is understandable to not be turned on by male dancers but it may be because of some deeper beauty myth (always hypersexualized strong, verile and straight men)
If biology as destiny is being exploited in advertising of female sexuality to excite male ?power?, then it seems to me that our society has accepted the short end of the stick. I can't say that one sex gamete is more important that the other when it comes to reproduction but I can say that if you analyze the numbers available and then determine that scarcity does infact dictate priority, then we have probably barked up the wrong tree. I'll believe that there is a biological and thus natural reason for exploitation when the biological and thus natural theory for non-monogamy in men is also proven (men NEED to get around more, sounds like an excuse for sterotyping men/the gays)
lastly, I know how to turn people on cus it turns me on too! (and why are we only talking about turning on MEN)
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